EXT. - STARBUCKS - AFTERNOON
We are in the dreaded Starbucks. A screenplay teacher might be mad that I say this, but it really doesn’t matter which Starbucks it is. Let’s say it’s not in Seattle. The music is awful. They are playing one of those CD’s that they used to sell in their shops, but don’t actually sell anymore. They probably started to sell them on iTunes after forming a relationship with Apple Music. You know, a Starbucks channel or something of that nature. It’s been a while since I stepped foot in one. The lines are what they always have been. Too fucking long. And it’s never been about the coffee, it’s all about the culture. Gotta get up early and get my Starbucks before work. Despite being a non-coffee drinker, I’ve always thought it said a lot about Starbucks that there were so many variations of drinks that they offer. So many things besides coffee. That’s gotta be a sign that the coffee sucks, right? It’s like a distraction, right? Here are all of the cool sounding drinks that will take the attention away from common coffee staples, which we have no interest in promoting because we know it’s so awful. Triple chocolate macchiato frappe whatever the fuck, buy this overpriced piece of crap because our base ingredient it absolutely trash. I got a lot of respect for the baristas and people that work there though. I do. Like 90 percent of the time, I do. The fact that you gotta know how to make all of those things is bad enough. Then because you’re a part of the Starbucks culture you got to deal with the stereotypically annoying clients that ask for every variation under the sun. Hold this. Half of that. Soy instead of regular. Two bags of sugar. Sheesh. Good luck not blowing a gasket. I’m gonna give the baristas 90 percent of the benefit of the doubt with that one. The other ten percent they don’t get and the reason why is there is a longstanding bad reputation for not only not being able to write any name correctly, but completely butchering it with letters that don’t have any business being written out to those sounds. Jasmine isn’t Jazmin or Jasmin or Jasmyn…it’s something completely preposterous like Jossmin or Gazmine. For time’s sake, I guess I get it. A lot of people, a lot of drinks, a lot of lines. I always wonder who made that rule up. Just write a bunch of letters to the first sound you hear. It’s good enough. I wonder what would happen if Starbucks baristas had as much pressure on them to get the name right as those faculty members at high school and college graduations. I wonder if it would make a difference. I also wonder if cafe’s always had the reputation for being half coffeeshop and half study place because nowadays it seems like getting a coffee and bringing your computer to work on stuff goes hand in hand. That’s starbucks for you though. Trendy drinks at arms length, faces lit by the computer screen. Tuned out faces and the occasional yell of a name like “Wallahi” which is their version of William.
Boy: Hey, have you been in line a long time?
Girl: Forever and a day. It seems like that’s usually the case on Mondays.
Boy: Why what happens on Mondays?
Girl: Every regular seems to forget what they usually order. It’s pathetic.
Boy: Are you a regular?
Girl: Yeah, but I have a tattoo of my favorite drink, so I don’t forget.
Boy: You serious?
Girl: No, I’m just fucking with you.
Boy: I was gonna say…
Girl: What were you gonna say?
Boy: That you’re very pretty, but you’re fucking crazy.
Girl: Ouch. Well lucky for you I’m just a little crazy. I don’t get much here. Just some coffee because it’s right by my work.
Boy: Must be annoying to have all these people taking so long to order when you just want to get some regular drip.
Girl: Very.
Boy: Why don’t they make like an express line for people like you.
Girl: Or specifically for me!
Boy: Yeah, or that.
Girl: Because that would be too difficult. They already reeled us in a long time before they got us with the Pumpkin Spice craze.
Boy: Gross.
Girl: I’m offended…just kidding. It is gross.
Boy: Why don’t you just go to a different cafe? Like maybe it’s a little less convenient, but it’s cooler people and better quality.
Girl: Well if you know something I don’t, I’m all ears.
Boy: I don’t, but if I hear of something I’ll tell the world to get back to you.
Girl: You don’t believe in asking for a number?
Boy: Not when I could ask for your IG or Snapchat instead.
Girl: That’s right. Asking for a number is like asking to borrow for sugar nowadays.
Boy: I’d rather see how the rest of this conversation goes before I ask you for your math.
Girl: My math?
Boy: You know, I’ll be honest, someone told me that that’s what people say out here, and you’re the second person out here who has looked at me like I’m crazy.
Girl: My math? Really?
Boy: Yeah, like your number.
Girl: I know what you mean, but who is this person that told you to say that? You didn’t filter out the bullshit from that suggestion?
Boy: It’s hard to know what people find to be bullshit anymore.
Girl: Good point.
Boy: It’s been pretty good so far.
Girl: What…oh you mean this convo?
Boy: I mean, I have my judgments about people that go to Starbucks, but all things considered you ain’t so bad.
Girl: What’s your biggest judgment about people that go to Starbucks?
Boy: That they unknowingly disrespect my livelihood.
Girl looks around the person in front of her to see what the holdup is.
Girl: That’s quite a judgment.
Boy: You must not be a basketball fan.
Girl: I never said that.
Boy: Well then this might be a test.
Girl: I graduated last year. I thought tests were over.
Boy: Tests are never over.
Girl: Sheesh. OK…well let’s see. Basketball and Starbucks.
Boy: Warm.
Girl: Sounds like Starbucks had something to do with your state of being a fan of basketball.
Boy: Warmer
Girl: Sponsorship?
Boy: Colder
Girl: They serve Starbucks at the games of your favorite team?
Boy: Colder.
Girl: Favorite player is a Starbucks spokesperson.
Boy: Winter.
Girl: Howard Shultz was the former owner of your basketball team, the Seattle Supersonics, and was also the former CEO of Starbucks and he sold your team to a bunch of evil tycoons out of Oklahoma City, who acted like they wanted to keep the team in Seattle, but really wanted to move them to Oklahoma City, thus leaving you without a team and embittered as long as you don’t have one.
Boy:…
Girl: That’s got to be what…like Death Valley? I’m on fire!
Boy: That was impressive.
Girl: You should see me play.
Boy: I think I’m ready to ask you for that number now.
Girl: Ah, but did you ever think that moment might have passed?
Boy: Looks like I got too cocky.
Girl: I’m curious to see your next move.
Boy: I’m in a Starbucks. I’m just trying to figure out how to get started. Assuming I ever make it to the front to begin with.
Girl look around the person in front of her to see what the holdup is.
Girl: Uh, hello? Is everything OK up there?
The barista looks to the girl pleadingly and then to the customer in front of her, who looks ticked off and impatient.
Customer: Again. That was a Venti iced coffee, 10 pumps vanilla, 10 pumps hazelnut, 5 pumps skinny mocha, and a splash of almond milk…PLEASE.
Girl: Still waiting on those small cafes with the nice people suggestions…
Boy: You can’t get it before you get on the train? It’s gotta be right around work?
Girl: That’s what I’m used to.
Boy: Well, where do you stay?
Girl: That’s a development for our next lucky conversation…
Boy: I’m just saying there are plenty around where I live. “Monkey Cup”, “Hamilton Latte”, and “Gin Seashell Verandah.”
Girl: “Monkey Cup”…is that on Amsterdam?
Boy: Yup.
Girl: Ah.
Boy: Meet you there tomorrow morning before work?
Girl: Might not have enough time to talk if there’s no line…
Boy: I’m sure I can figure something out.
Girl: Ok. Well tell ya what. I’m gonna head out because I’m running late now. I’ll try Monkey Cup this week. I’ll be there early.
Boy: What time?
Girl: Ah, but that would be too easy.
Boy: Well, let the games begin.
Girl: Who knows, maybe if I like it I’ll change my routine.
Boy: I’ll be praying for that.
Girl: You’re funny, Giselle.
Boy: My name is Kevin.
Girl: Well now you know my name, too. See you around Kevin.
*SCENE*