i.
you vanished into the night
briefly (dis)appeared like a sunday night ride
a tender lock of the lips
an unknown goodbye that was sealed with a kiss
new age letters were read and left dead
not even the breadcrumbs could find you
not even the replays defined you
I stop and rewind you
rewind you rewind you
rewind you
but the outcome stays the same
ii.
i’ve never been here before
with my backpack at this time of night
never brought out a textbook
and offered my thoughts, advice
you want me to help you?
you want me to help you?
nobody ever asked me that before…
if only you knew what I was thinking
when I was speaking
if only you knew my feelings
when I was staring
and speaking
the wrong kind of speaking…words with no meaning
—
one day I hugged you
for the last time
disappeared behind glass doors
iii.
I gave you a blister—I did that
too many steps I asked of you when fewer would do
and like new skin, the old went away
and so did I:
I take the blame for messing that up
for shuffling my feet when
I should have just carried you
for whispering sweet nothings
when everything was called for
for making four rights when
the lights were all green
for acting my age—an immature blunder
and giving you all
a detective would need—
I had a magnifying glass
I traced all my steps
stuck in a room with all evidence
this case that was closed a long time ago
I used to have a grasp of you