i wonder sometimes
if i’m content to follow
a narrative i’ve accepted
instead of one I could create—
having melted into laziness
satisfied with lethargy
throwing a bonfire for
a new found lack of ambition
being that
it
is the thing
that crackles away amongst the wood
once thought to be a great gift
now just a fond smell
departed into air like the smoke above
i watched a woman fumble around words
showing us our mothers and our grandmothers
showing us our sons and our daughters
struggling to cope with new realities
yelling at power dynamics
broken dominoes
anguished expressions
lost memories
a vacant face and a lost smiley stare
a walk around the table to sit right back down
[“what am I looking for,” she asks]
mind playing tricks
to see our past float beyond our reach
to try and grasp life as we know it
only to see it disappear into the walls
i watch X’s and Y’s
flirt with each other
play dancing games while
cutting their arms open
to place more powder
now no-neck monsters
with dreams of making mirrors happy
swimming in a bathtub full of tears
a dead man’s float to keep them alive
locked in a room with glass panes removed
searching in fear for validation
the weight of the world
[once on their shoulders]
now on their ankles
drowning
cars pull in
one by one
running on empty and wreaking of fumes
eyes droopy, skin sagging
[exhale]
hair pulled out, paces dragging
the youth and elderly: thirsty
take turns paying—remove the nozzle
[inhale]
and fill themselves with gasoline
corroding an ugly inside worse
blue veins filled with red
a murky brown
on their last legs
on their last breaths
forgive us mother
for we know not what we—